1. I can only please one person per day.  Today is not your day. 
Tomorrow is not looking good either. 

2. I love deadlines.  I especially like the whooshing sound they make as 
they go flying by. 

3. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it. 

4. Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue. 

5. Needing someone is like needing a parachute.  If they aren't there 
the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again. 

6. I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem. 

7. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I 
thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling? 

8. My reality check bounced. 

9. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key. 

10. I don't suffer from stress.  I am a carrier. 

11. You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut 
butter. 

12. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and 
taste good with ketchup. 

13. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. 

14. Never argue with an idiot.  They drag you down to their level, then 
beat you with experience. 

15. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt. 

17. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the 
month than you did before. 

18. The more garbage you put up with, the more garbage you are going to get. 

19. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a 
clipboard. 

20. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse 
will happen to you the rest of the day. 

21. People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't. 

22. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done. 

23. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried. 

24. Following the rules will not get the job done. 

25. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily 
by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?" 
  
  

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