Various Silly thoughts about Deathly Hallows

THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS! IF YOU HAVEN'T YET READ THE DEATHLY HALLOWS, AND DON'T WANT THE ENDING GIVEN AWAY, DON'T READ THIS.

Along with countless other Harry Potter fans, I came up with my own possible endings to the Deathly Hallows. So, if various authors or film makers had done it, it might have been, errm, well, interesting.

The makers of Scooby Doo

After Voldemort is defeated, his mask is pulled off, to reveal that he's actually Tom Cruise. As they drag him away, he mutters, "It would have worked too--if it weren't for those meddlesome kids." Cheerful laughter from Harry, Hermione and Ron.

The makers of many martial arts movies

Many comment about Molly Weasly's fight with Belletrix. Who would have thought that Molly had that kind of ability, succeeding where Sirius and others had failed?

The camera focuses on Belletrix and Ginny, and from off camera come Molly's immortal words.

"NOT MY DAUGHTER YOU BITCH!"

Now we switch to Molly striding forward. As the book says, she's taking off her cloak. She throws it off in one dramatic motion, complete with whooshing sound effects. Think Azumi and her cloak

Now as she comes up, shouting "OUT OF MY WAY!" we see that her lips aren't quite in sync with her words, just like most martial arts films. This effect continues through the fight.

The duel of course, begins with all the typical sound effects of swords and strikes of any of these movies. When the other students try to intervene, Molly's pushing them back is the typical exaggerated one arm at a time as she says, again, improperly synced, and in rather stilted tones (I think that most of these movies used the same 5-6 people reading the dialog), "No... She--is--mine."

Now, the real fight begins. Even JKR has people lining the walls, watching, so the rest of the action stops as the two duel, complete with with leaping kicks, grunts and all the rest. For example, Bellatrix has what looks like a sure kill, but Molly leaps into the air, somersaulting over Bellatrix's head, only to have Bellatrix twirl and block Molly's stroke. Think the last Star Wars film, between Obi-wan and Anakin.

Finally, Bella thinks she has it. Her "exhilarated laugh" is a simple, evil, "Ha ha," but as we know, Molly avoids it and strikes beneath Bella's outstretched arm. I'd have Molly in a classical committed thrust pose for that, front knee bent, rear leg extended.

As Bellatrix dies, she brings her wand up in a little salute, and gives a bit of a respectful bow. Having her say, again, improperly synced, something like, "Truly, your skill is better than mine," before toppling over might be taking it too far, of course.

The makers of Dirty Harry

JKR has Harry whispering, I just picture it as that quiet, Clint Eastwood voice.

For those who've forgotten, Harry says,

"So it all comes down to this, doesn't it?" whispered Harry. "Does the wand in your hand know its last master was Disarmed? Because if it does...I am the true master of the Elder Wand."
Now he adds
"To tell the truth, with all the excitement, I don't know myself. But, when you're dealing with the Elder Wand, the most powerful wand in the world, a wand that can blow a man's head right off, you've gotta ask yourself one question. Do you feel lucky... PUNK?"

The makers of Crocodile Dundee, mixed with any silly action picture.

Harry pulls out his wand. Voldemort laughs. "You call that a wand? THIS," he says, pulling out the massively impressive Elder Wand, "is a wand."

"Yes," answers Harry, pulling his other hand out of his robe, "and this is an Uzi." As he empties the 20 round magazine in a little under a second, Voldemort's head explodes in a satisfactory spray of blood, bones and brains. Now, back to Dirty Harry Potter. He jams a fresh clip into the Uzi and walks towards the corpse. He flips the Elder Wand up with his foot, deftly catching it and putting it into his robes.

"Anyone else wanna make fun of my wand?" he asks softly. He looks down at Voldemort's remains and shakes his head. He turns to Ron and Hermione and says,

"A man's gotta know his limitations."

Well there you have it, my less than profound thoughts on Harry Potter.